A Better Day

It's Sunday.

We're all feeling better.

Dad's home after being gone two nights.

It is warm enough to play outside today.

Queue the hallelujah chorus!

A Little Sweetness...

There is absolutely nothing exciting about this video except for the fact that I love it when Eli and Landon play in their room together. Here they are reading books and talking. Eli even leads singing for us at one point although it's hard to see. I love the way Landon uses his hands to talk.

There could not be two sweeter boys than these.





And here is Landon this morning. He brings me shoes and sits down in my lap for me to put them on. Then he high steps around the house...quite pleased with himself.

Maybe

Maybe it's because we've been sick. Maybe it's because it's winter and we can't play outside all day. Maybe it's because my children have entered the most challenging stage we've been through yet (don't worry...I'm not so naive to think it will get better from here.) Or maybe it's because I have been stressed about things that I can't control anyway. But whatever the reason, it seems as though I've spent more time feeling frustrated than I have spent feeling all other emotions combined lately.




If there is one thing I've learned over the past year or so it is this: being a stay at home mom is not as easy as it seems. Maybe this transition would have been slightly easier had I started with just one baby, but as things turned out...I jumped in with both feet to an, at times, overwhelming situation. It's not the work load that gets to me. Sure...there are mounds of laundry, constant dirty diapers, planning the next meal before the current one is even cleaned up, sticky floors, dust so thick you can draw pictures in it, and rings in my toilet. But that's not really what makes it hard.


These are the things that make it hard:


The Solitude
For a person who is rarely physically by myself...I sure do feel alone sometimes. Something about spending 75% of my day with two toddlers makes me feel isolated I guess. By the time Dustin gets home, it's either almost or already dark and we just have a few hours to spend together, most of which is taken up by dinner, baths, playing with the boys, and the 2 hour bedtime war (more on this later). Don't get me wrong - I love this time, but it doesn't lend itself to a lot of adult conversation. I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone and even if I were, Eli and Landon take full advantage of the time I spend on the phone to whine and cry in my ear making it impossible to carry on a conversation. Anyone who has tried to talk to me on the phone knows I'm not lying.


The Monotony
We do the same thing every. single. day. It's just a fact - small children do better with schedules and events they can predict. Honestly...I do better with these things, too. But I also get stir crazy as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really accomplishing anything...I get up and go through the same routine every day and at the end of the day...what do I have to show for all that time and work? Sure, my children are still alive (barely most days). And my husband isn't starving (because he ate some form of hamburger meat mixed with a can of condensed soup). And my house hasn't completely imploded into itself (regardless if it seems that way). Some days I feel like I barely scrape through the day only to get up and do it all over again.


The Feedback
Or should I say, lack thereof. Guess what...kids don't say things like, "wow, my clothes smell great" or "this hot dog you heated up for me is delicious" or "did you clean the floors? because when I was eating off of them just now, they seemed cleaner"...they generally don't notice the little things. There's always the feedback you get in public, "you have your hands full" or "oh look! double trouble" or my personal favorite, "I'm glad it's you and not me." Wow, thank you so much for the encouragement. Just what every young mother needs! My two bosses don't operate like most bosses...mom's don't get a lunch break, a paycheck, an annual review, or an honorable mention.


The Mental Stress
Fact: even the happiest of babies are not happy all day every day. I consider Eli and Landon very happy boys, but they still spend a significant part of our day whining and crying. That constant whining...it feels like it just slowly eats away at me until I almost snap. At the end of the day, when I've said "No" 3,758 times, when I've listened to two babies whine and cry, when they have demolished yet another sentimental object, when they each have at least three new bruises, and when I've witnessed 49 fits...I'm just mentally spent.




Nothing can really prepare a person for motherhood. It's a joy that cannot be quantified. It's a love as intense as pain. It's an indescribable sacrifice. It's a tremendous responsibility. 

And the stakes are high. 

Really high. 
I have their minds, and their hearts, and their souls in my hands. And when I think about this stage....this season of time that will pass by all too quickly....I count my blessings because I am never alone (and I do mean never), I get to spend each day with the two most handsome and loving boys I have ever known (make that three), and the rewards are great and numerous.  Their smiles, laughs, hugs, kisses, growth, development, and happiness are more valuable than any paycheck could ever be. I love my job...I really really do.



 Maybe my frustration makes me a bad mom, but I'm guessing it just makes me...normal.

Mama said there'd be days (weeks) like this...

Our week has been filled with:


fever
tylenol
whining
dr. visits
desitin
motrin
restless nights
lost appetites

short naps
on-call nurses
sweating babies

rocking chairs

lethargic babies
strep throat
trips to lubbock
diarrhea
diaper rash
cool baths
amoxicillan
cold applesauce
crying





as well as...
lots of cuddling
calls and texts from friends
offers to help
visitors bearing gifts
cards in the mail
lots of coke (for mom)
and a lot of encouragement


Eli and Landon have really done well despite the discomfort and pain I'm sure they are experiencing. They really are the best!


And...so are you. Thank you for all of the offers to help and encouragement!

New Years 2010

I have a lot of catching up to do, so we'll skip Christmas for now and start with New Years.

As kind of a last minute idea, Dustin and our good friend John thought of having a reunion with our group of friends from college. By the next week, we had accommodations, invitations had been extended, food had been planned, and my excitement level was very high! We left Eli and Landon to spend New Years with Neva and Randy and we took off to the hill country. I think there were 19 of us in all over the three days and we had a lot of fun.

We rented some cabins in New Braunfels right on the river

Almost everyone arrived the afternoon of New Years Eve and basically over the course of the next two and a half days, we had a 42 tournament, ate a lot of food, talked, sang, relaxed, played games, caught up on each others' lives, and laughed. I laughed a lot. I normally do.

What a great time

We checked out Saturday morning and boy, was I ready to see Eli and Landon. I slept the whole way to Iraan to make the time go by faster and I ran in the door to see them when we got there. They both got huge smiles on their faces and ran right towards me...but, they went right past me and right into Dustin's arms. It's tough having to compete with Dustin...he's just so much cooler than me. They eventually let me pick them up without crying to get down and see Dad...it just took about 30 minutes.

Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday My Sweet Amy

I would like to interrupt this blog for a very important announcement.  Today is a very special day for me because on this day not so many years ago a little girl was born who would grow up to meet a boy who would fall in love with her and make him one of the most blessed persons in recorded history.  This girl, now a beautiful woman, is the mother of two boys who have way to much energy and are always trying to find as many ways possible to hurt themselves or destroy whatever is in their path.  Despite such obstacles, the boys are still alive and are the sweetest boys alive and it is only because of her.  Her husband (me) does not deserve such a woman and thanks the good Lord everyday that she chose to share her life with him.  I love you my sweet Amy and I always will.

Happy Birthday!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

Since I never post anything when it actually happens...or in chronological order for that matter, today we are going to recap a very special visit from Grandpa (my dad), which actually happened two weeks ago. Eva was here at the same time and we crammed a lot of activities into that week, none of which were properly documented on film...I've become lazy with the camera lately.


Some highlights from this trip:


*Eva and I had the bright idea to put up outside christmas lights. We didn't really think through the whole process, so thankfully dad purchased the lights and spent several hours on the roof while we stood on the ground overseeing the whole project. They turned out just lovely and it was just what I needed to add a little christmas cheer around here. We even had a lighting ceremony later that night after our dinner party (dinner was just the four of us...I just like to turn everything into a party). The ceremony consisted of everyone going outside and dad plugging in the lights. It was really long and involved.

*Dad brought a whole truck load of tools for Dustin. Dustin has been looking for excuses to use all his new tools ever since. He is seriously like a little kid with toys when it comes to tools. Speaking of tools...I also got my very own pink tool set and I could not be more excited about it. I am always digging through Dustin's tool shed trying to find a hammer or screwdriver and never can locate what I need, but now I'm set for any decorating or toy battery replacement challenge that may present itself.

* Eva and I did a LOT of cooking and baking. We made the best banana crumb muffins I have ever had in my life and we made Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls for some of the boys' Bible class teachers and special people at church. I love to bake, but I really love to bake with Eva (mostly because she always rolls the dough for me...thanks, Eve.)

*Dad had to work one day and was gone most of the day, so Eva and I had a photo shoot with Eli and Landon trying to get the perfect pictures for a Christmas card. Thanks to Eva's nice camera, her patience, and her willingness to freeze outside in the cold, we got a few good ones.

Eli

 

 Landon

 

* Eva and I managed to watch several movies: Julia & Julia (or Julie & Julia or Julia & Julie...whatever that movie is), My Sister's Keeper (disappointing after reading the book), Four Christmases (I could take it or leave it), and it seems like we watched another one, but I can't remember. 

* And last, but certainly not least...dad got us a new toilet. I won't go into the details of the old one and how disgusting it was...just take my word for it. We have a brand new, shiny, white toilet.  It's wonderful and it even came with free installation (by dad)!

We had a great time hanging out, eating, shopping, watching movies, and just spending time together. Thanks, Dad for coming all the way out here to see us! We love you.