Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Reflections

Life with three little ones at home is all consuming, especially since two of those no longer nap. It leaves absolutely no time for frivolous things like blogging, which can be a little frustrating at times. Not that I love blogging that much, but sometimes my soul just longs for a few minutes to do anything I want. More on that later...

It was a year ago this month that we found out about Harper's heart defect and that combined with the Thanksgiving holiday approaching has left it ever present on my heart these past couple of weeks. So much has happened since then, but it is still so vivid in my mind that I could swear that it was just last week. I can't help but reflect on the road we've been down and rejoice that the road ahead is wide open and full of promise. This has certainly been a life-altering year for us. You don't go through something like that and come out the other side the same person. And while I can't exactly pinpoint the ways that I have changed, I feel so different from the person I was. It's something about seeing your baby...the baby that you love so intensely with every fiber of your being...go through something so horrific. Your heart is never the same again.



I remember the despair I felt as we learned what exactly we would be facing. I remember thinking that we would never get past this. Because when you are facing something that you've never faced before, something that terrifies you, something you just know you're not strong enough to take, that moment...that struggle, it's totally consuming and you can't imagine life being normal again.



But yet, here I sit, one year later, and it's all just a memory now. God is so very, very good.

The love and generosity of others was so intense and so overwhelming that I could FEEL the arms around us, the hearts aching with us, the prayers for us, the joy and thanksgiving at good news. If you were a part of that - a kind or encouraging word, a hot meal for our family, a simple prayer, a visit, a gift card, snacks at the hospital, financial help, a text, email, comment, or phone call, please know that you have impacted my life in a way I will never forget. It has given me a whole new perspective on how to minister to others and the importance of our Christian family during trials.

We still aren't completely sure of what lies ahead, but we are hopeful that Harper won't need any more major surgery. I would like to think that if, perhaps, Harper requires another surgery, I will be so full of faith and hope that there won't be any room for fear. After all, the Lord has showed me over and over again his love and mercy. But I know myself better than that and when it comes to my babies, my crazy, lunatic side almost always wins. I'm working on it.



In the meantime, Harper is progressing and developing normally (just a little behind schedule, but who cares about that?). She is scooting around in a army crawl type fashion. She's SO close to sitting up on her own. She has two teeth. She's eating cereal and a few vegetables. She's extremely vocal. She's got a ton of personality (super sweet, but a little ornery). Being normal is what we're about now. I love that she's well. I relish in the mundane-ness of our life. And while I would love to forget the past year, I hope I never do. I hope those images of my struggling girl are forever ingrained in my mind so that I never forget the helplessness I felt then and the gratitude I feel now. And most of all, I hope that I can be an encouragement and blessing to someone going through the same thing. For even if nothing else good came of all of this (which it did), I am now in a position to understand and help those who might have to travel down this same road.




So happy November to you and thank you for listening to the ramblings of my heart. We have so very much to be thankful for.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear one I will listen to any ramblings at any time. Love hearing from you and looking into your precious mind. You are so precious...Love you so much.g'ma

Keva said...

Amy, Harper is so pretty. I want to meet her and hold her so bad. Your pictures are so great. I love that last one. So cute.

Crystal said...

Hope you are all doing well this holiday season. I know you must be super busy, but isn't it fun!

Rebecca Bany said...

That pumpkin picture is adorable. I've never seen one like that. I love it.
www.rebeccabany.com

Anonymous said...

you're not busy, so new post please!!

Anonymous said...

I hope you are all doing well and had a great holiday season and valentines day. You have so much to love with three little ones. It would be great to hear an update!

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